Failure

I am totally a failure.failure in giving a better life to my mum.failure in controlling my feeling towards you.failure in completing the task.failure in managing my life.

Is no use of talking all this rubbish.when ever about relationship thing,I am totally a failure.can't tell you so much,yet have to pretend I am strong because I don't like feeling of being depressed.just not like mine character.I am just one of the stubborn ger,the harder u hit,the bigger the bounce you get.how to get over you?I can't think of any way to forget about you.I can feel that the feeling you toward me is change already but gers always like this,stupid!!no matter how the person treat you,just hard to get over with him and one day and only one day really hit on big rock,get hurt,bleeding then only will know it's time to wake up.

There is a person told me,if only you believe there is a miracle then only the miracle will happen.I do believe in miracle when I am still young.have faith in God.that was when my father hospitalized.the last time I see him,that day was raining and now I hate rainy day.I pray so deep from my heart,please bless my dad from this incident,I will be obedient and good ger.I will study hard,I will listen what ever my mum etc........somehow what I get just a disappointment.I never blame the god but instead of difficulties believe in god and miracle.

After the disappointment,how to believe in miracle?I rather believe myself,well although sometimes I also go for pray since is my family religion,just won't be superfictous.After the incident,I have to become or pretend to be strong,once I collapse,I have no idea what will happen to my mum,and mine elder brother.

Hidding emotion is my best way to protect myself of getting hurt but I hope I no need playing this seek n hide emotion,where by just want to be myself,be true of myself.it's very tiring.........